I was pleased to spend time on Thursday listening to our latest SPEAK lecturer, Devorah Heitner, author of the book Screenwise: Helping Kids Survive (and Thrive) in Their Digital World and creator of the Raising Digital Natives website.  In a lively and informative presentation, Heitner shared her thoughts on how to raise children more effectively in a tech-filled world.  Amongst many salient points, a few things resonated for me. 

 

I appreciated Heitner’s pragmatic approach.  She neither embraced technology as a 21^st century savior, nor condemned it as a cultural demon.  Like most things in life, moderation is the key.  There are legitimately positive uses of technology in our children’s lives—as educational tools, as time-management devices, or as social connectors (again in moderation)—and we don’t need to over-worry that our young digital natives are being negatively affected overall.  Still, we should be aware of what our students are doing and be prepared to have very direct conversations about responsible technology use.  Even if we think they know more about how to use various devices and game systems than we do, they definitely don’t know as much about key life skills like self-regulation, navigating social conflict, and setting appropriate boundaries.  Heitner advocates that adults act as mentors not monitors for children so that we guide and advise their technology use without simply restricting or covertly tracking them.  We also need to act as role models; our own technology habits will be watched and emulated by our kids.

 

Part of the guidance we can offer young people is how they can be “stewards of their own reputations.” It is a of course a reality that much of people’s lives are displayed on social media now.  That is not in and of itself a problem.  But there are choices to make about what one wants to (or should) share either through words or images.  Adult mentoring on this point means stressing the potential personal, even legal, ramifications of being impulsive or reckless on line or through electronic communication.  Parents need to have open conversations with their children, stressing real-life examples and demonstrating through their own actions how to be effective curators of one’s technology-based identity.

 

Teenagers have always worried about missing out on social opportunities; most naturally strive to be socially included.  Feelings of exclusion are not new.  Social media can potentially exacerbate those feelings, however, especially if and when students obsess over images of what other students are doing or posting.  It is possible and desirable to help young people regulate their usage so that they are not beating themselves up about what party they missed or what group text they were not part of.  Some technology use can actually help students connect in positive ways, and we should not restrict simply because there is concern that something can go wrong.  Again, a better approach is to discuss, support and model.

 

A final aspect of Heitner’s presentation is her advice to help students “find clarity through boundaries.”  Defining appropriate personal and professional boundaries is a vital skill in life.  For younger children, we have to set the boundaries of technology use and stick to them, explaining the rationale behind the rules.  As students get older, we need to encourage them to set their own boundaries.  Are they able to tell another student to stop texting them if they feel uncomfortable?  Will they stand up for a friend who is being cyberbullied?  Can they define their own rules and regulations about when to be “distracted” by social media and when to focus on homework?  Like all matters of behavior, these skills need to be practiced and developed over time.

 

Devorah Heitner’s website: www.raisingdigitalnatives.com

 

Devorah’s TEDx talk, see:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRQdAOrqvGg