A timely article was published recently that addressed the issue of “How to Raise Kind, Less Entitled Kids.” While it might sound obvious, I have yet to meet a parent who wants to have a child who is unkind. Nor have I ever met a parent who openly talks about wanting their children to feel entitled. Yet, navigating useful ways to achieve these goals can sometimes be tricky.

As parents, we hope to have children who are kind, empathetic, responsible, ethical, and willing to contribute, in addition to being resilient and able to cope with disappointment. But we all struggle at times on making our dreams for our children a reality. Humans are fallible; we all know this.

From infants to adolescence, children go through many physiological and psychological changes, and we as parents play a crucial role in modeling the kind of behavior we want for our children.  

Unlike most articles on parenting that tend be written from a psychological perspective, this Washington Post piece integrates research from behavioral economics to help explain why kids are likely to act entitled.  Parents, here’s the tough news: It begins with us. We have to model the right kind of behavior for our children. How we respond to disappointment will shape how our children respond to challenges.

According to the article (intended for an audience of parents who have means), there is a concept called “hedonistic adaptation.”  Put simply, it means that the more we spoil our children, the more they adapt to the expectation that being spoiled is normal.  The good news is that this behavior also works in reverse. When we don’t do things for our children — like clean their rooms or finish their chores — they oppositely assume that contributing to the family is normal.

The research encourages parents to help their children understand what is “normal" for most Americans so that children can likewise understand and appreciate others, and thus learn empathy.

Finally, l love the advice on framing chores as “needed contributions to the functioning of the family,” and not as ways to earn money. Using behavioral research, the article provides insights on how children are influenced by their parents and motivated, not by bribes or promises, but --  like so many of us -- by feeling useful, empathetic and willing to contribute. I hope you enjoy this article and that it stirs some conversation.