This week at Colorado Academy, we launched our 2014-2015 SPEAK lecture program with educator and author Rosalind Wiseman talking about her book, Masterminds and Wingmen. Based on Wiseman’s interviews with more than 200 boys, it is chock full of interesting stuff and good advice.   

 

Our Campus Center Dining Hall was filled with more than 250 parents, grandparents, and teachers.  (You can catch a podcast and a copy of the presentation on our website.) Wiseman, mother of two boys of her own, delivered bits of wisdom about parenting both boys and girls, and about how to make sense of children’s motivations, thinking, and decision-making.

 

There was chuckling throughout the room as parents recognized conversations from their own households and as Wiseman “translated” what kids really mean when they say, “I’m fine,” “I’m good,” or “I don’t remember.”  No doubt, we were each measuring our interactions with our own children against the list of things Wiseman advises we absolutely should not do or say. 

The message was that the emotional and social lives of boys are complicated. Boys are not "easy," as some people say. Having worked at a boarding school for 12 years, I was a “parent” to a group of 16-18 year-old young men. Getting them to work together, resolve conflicts, and form friendships was anything but easy.  There were powerful and emotional times when the kids were homesick or stressed by the academic pressure of a rigorous school.  Wiseman's talk offered insight into what motivates boys and offered valuable advice for parents and educators alike.

 

Growing up in a household with three boys, reading Wiseman’s book reminded me how my own parents handled different situations.  I joked in the meeting about their parenting style, but I have come to admire the way they gave us unconditional love, while at the same time, holding us accountable for our decisions. They were not the kind of parents who were confused about their role; they did not try to be our "friends."  They understood that parents must establish boundaries and expectations for children. They gave us the freedom and room to live our lives but had consequences ready when we took advantage of that freedom. If someone would have told me when I was 15 that the Davis boys would grow up to be a head of school, a minister, and a lawyer, I would not have believed them. But, I’ll bet my parents aren’t surprised.  

 

Parenting requires hard work and patience, but it is worth it. You are helping to mold and shape your child's behavior and outlook on life.  As they grow, they will appreciate that you cared enough to tell them “no” or helped them address a difficult problem.

 

I appreciate these times when we sit together as parents to be both humbled and amazed by the job we have undertaken in raising and educating children. Being part of a community like CA’s helps all of us set high expectations not only for our children, but our work together inspires us to expect much of ourselves, as well.

Author and award-winning journalist Anna Quindlen called parenting “the work of the ages.”  She wrote, “If any of us engaged in the work of parenting thought much about it… we would be frozen into immobility by the enormity of the task.”

Quindlen said, “This is not only because the routine is relentless the day-in/day-outness of hastily eaten meals, homework help and heart-to-hearts, things that must be done and done and then done again. It is that if we stop to think about what we do, really do, we are building for the centuries. We are building character, and tradition, and values, which meander like a river into the distance, and out of our sight, but on and on and on…”

I hope you will take every opportunity to join us for our SPEAK lectures this year for more engaging and thought-provoking presentations.