On Tuesday, October 8, popular speaker Mike Domitrz returned to present to all Upper School students about respecting others and the topic of consent. As the Founder of The DATE SAFE Project, now called The Center for Respect https://www.centerforrespect.com/, Mike Domitrz works closely with students, parents, and educators across the country to produce national initiatives resulting in new ways of thinking about America’s approach to dating, respect, and intimacy. His presentation, “SAFER Choices: Dating, Communication, Respect, and Sexual Assault Awareness,” was extremely well received by our students.

In his fast-paced, often witty presentation, Mr. Domitrz emphasized the power of positive and healthy relationships, including those that involve sexual intimacy. He noted that from both a legal and ethical standpoint, consent is achieved only when:

• the intimacy is mutually wanted
• the consent is ongoing in the moment (i.e., allows for someone to change their mind at any point without pressure)
• enthusiastically given
• both partners are of legal age and sound mind

He also noted that the idea that "Yes means yes" is limited. A Yes given under coercion or under the influence of drugs and alcohol has been deemed insufficient in most cases. So consent is certainly not possible in the absence of a No, nor is it always possible even in the presence of a Yes. 

He also pointed out that all of us have a responsibility to intervene in a situation in which we know sexual assault is occurring or might occur. We need to respect the dignity of all people and step in, just as we might take the keys from someone we know might be about to drive drunk. We need to take care of each other and look out for each other, especially when we perceive someone to be in a vulnerable situation.

As Mr. Domitrz notes, “Today’s students face an overly sexualized culture where dangerous behaviors regarding intimacy, alcohol, drugs, and 'hooking up' are continually promoted in various entertainment mediums. Consequently, schools throughout the country are seeing alarming rates of sexual misconduct, pregnancies, and sexual assault cases among their students.”

 

In preparation for the Town Hall presentation, students received some materials and had preliminary discussions in their advisories. They watched the following short video in their advisories and held discussions about it. http://www.teachconsent.org/#ask  For parents, this website also includes a parent's guide of accompanying questions that should help facilitate discussion at home. Students also debriefed and discussed in advisories on Wednesday when they gathered again.

Some might wonder why we would cover this topic at all. Is it too personal or triggering for a school to take on? Obviously, we think it is very important to arm our students with real-world knowledge and life skills. The Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance, the nonprofit that compiles the videos and materials referenced above, has an excellent statement about teaching consent on their website: "When we teach teens about consent, we help [students] learn how to express what they want and don’t want. We give them tools to express their limits. We teach them that they deserve to be treated in a respectful way. Teaching consent also means teaching teens that it is just as important to respect the limits and wishes of others. We teach them that their friends have a right to say “no” or “yes” and have that be respected."

We hope students will have discussions with their parents at home about this important topic and provide feedback to trusted adults as to what they learned from Mr. Domitrz's presentation.

We look forward to having Mr. Domitrz back again in the future, and will look into possibly adding a parent presentation as well.