Five Things That Actually Help at the Start of a School Year

Every year, parents ask me some version of the same question: What can I do to help my child have a great year? It’s a great question, and the honest answer is often shorter and simpler than parents expect. Here are five things the research consistently supports.

1. Protect sleep and protect the schedule, not just the hours.

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 9–12 hours a night for children ages 6–12 and 8–10 hours for teenagers ages 13–18, and it links adequate sleep to better attention, learning, memory, and emotional regulation. Most students don’t get it: CDC data found roughly 60% of middle schoolers and 73% of high schoolers fell short on school nights. Consistency matters too. A Penn State study of six-year-olds found that children with consistent bedtimes regulated their emotions and behavior better under stress—and that regularity mattered more than duration or quality. Also, avoid over-scheduling your child with too many activities.

2. “Set the stage” and then step back.

A study of parental involvement found that regularly helping your children with homework did not raise achievement, and for middle school work and beyond, scores actually declined. Instead,  set the stage and then leave it. Create the conditions, including a quiet place, a predictable rhythm, a reasonable bedtime, and let your child own the work. Struggle is not a sign that something has gone wrong. In fact, it is a good thing for growth.

3. Talk about meaning and purpose, not just achievement.

A Stanford study interviewed 1,200 young people ages 12–26 and found that only about one in five had a clear sense of purpose—something personally meaningful and consequential beyond themselves. A quarter were entirely disengaged. What helped the purposeful ones wasn’t parents assigning them a direction; it was parents who listened closely to what interested them, pointed them toward options, and then supported the choices they made. So this fall, ask your child what they want to get better at and why it matters to them, not what it will look like on a transcript.

4. Don’t remove the anxiety/stress—build the tolerance for it.

Anxiety is the most common reason families come to us worried, and the instinct to smooth the path is powerful. But research led by Yale’s Eli Lebowitz points the other way. In a randomized trial of 124 anxious children ages 7–14, a program that taught parents to gradually stop accommodating anxiety—the extra reassurance, the constant check-in texts, the permission to skip—worked as well as cognitive behavioral therapy delivered to the child. The message to send is “I know this feels hard, and I know you can do hard things.”  Also, talk to our counselors if you have questions or concerns. We know from our Authentic Connections survey that the mental well-being of our students is strong. But, it is hard being a kid today, and sometimes students are going to need extra support. Don’t be bashful about asking for help, but be cognizant of context.

5. Communicate early and assume good faith.

Reach out to your child’s teacher before a small thing becomes a large one—and reach out with a question rather than a verdict. A landmark study of Chicago schools found that schools with high relational trust among parents, teachers, and leaders were three times more likely to improve in reading and math; schools where trust stayed low had virtually no chance of improving at all. Trust is not a nicety. It is a condition of learning, and children read it in how we talk about their teachers at the dinner table. Our teachers are professionals, and as Principal Nick Malick advises parents, the level of respect shown to teachers can have a very positive impact on teacher retention for a school community. We all want the same thing in the end: for your child to grow into an adult with curiosity, purpose, a positive sense of self, resiliency, and ethics.

A great year is built on ordinary patterns. Sleep well, stay close, let them struggle a little, and trust the CA adults who care for and educate your child every day.